I set up this Blog to document my journey to success and to inspire other single mothers along the way. Each week I will upload a post on different aspects of life as a single mother, designed to encourage and empower you. Being a single mother is not easy, especially when you are driven and have ambitions. There are days when my tiredness cannot be explained and I feel mentally and physically burnt out. Miraculously, from a source unknown, I still manage to find the strength to keep on going and move closer to my dreams.
My children mean everything to me and I love them to bits, but I still have a purpose in life that I must fulfil. “Don’t die with your music still in you,” Dr Wayne Dyers said. And I’m not intending on dying with my music still in me.
I am a single mother to two children a 14 years old daughter and a 4 years old son. I never intended on becoming a single mother. I had my daughter at 21 and my son at 31, leaving a ten-year gap. Hoping to get it right the second time. Unfortunately, my choice of men were not great, and the outcome left me in the situation I am in today. However, I still manage to strive for my children and am determined to make something of my life. I believe that your children learn from what they see, which makes it important for me to be the best role model that I can possibly be for them.
Last year I graduated from London South Bank University with a 2.1 in Creative Writing, and was awarded Course Directors Prize for outstanding achievement in Creative Writing. In the midst of my journey at university I was going through an extremely difficult time with my son’s father. A man whom I had spent five years of my life with, and who suddenly relinquished his responsibilities to our son. My daughter’s father, on the other hand, is an every other weekend dad – and I mean that literally. Neither has helped me financially, which makes raising my children alone a lot harder. I prioritise my finances to ensure they have the best lifestyle possible. I don’t go out much, and I have a minimal social life as I prefer to invest in my children and my dreams. This is my testament that anything you set your mind to do is possible, and if you are determined enough you will succeed.
Before having my son I was an actress and was fortunate to do some amazing work in Film, TV and Theatre. In the heights of my acting career I was the face of Actimel and worked on programmes like Eastenders, Hotel Babylon, The Bill and played a lead role in Breach drama series. When I became a single mother with two children things got difficult. With the lack of support and the stress of everyday life, my passion for it died. After years of set backs and soul searching I am currently in the pre-production stages of my feature film ABSENT, inspired by the experiences that I went through with my son’s father who is currently in prison. I am also in the process of setting up my production company A Scott Productions, where I aim to produce a slate of community based, hard hitting relatable films under.
Yes, it is hard raising a child/children alone, but please do not give up on your dream. Outside of being a mother you are still a human being and have the ability to make something of your life. Trust me when I say I know all about the sleepless nights, the constant financial struggle, and being one hundred different people all at once. Holding in the bucket loads of tears and scheduling days to cry because you simply do not have the time. There are some dreadful days that we consistently have to overcome, but children are such a joy and blessing. Use the joy and blessing of your children to become something great. You already have the most challenging job in the world, so use your motherhood skills to challenge yourself. Whatever it is that you want to do I encourage you to go and do it. Make a start today.
Whenever I meet people they always tell me how impressed they are that I continue to be ambitious despite my situation. I actually find it an insult because why shouldn’t I be? The media has painted such a bad image of single mothers that we constantly get stigmatised. It does not bother me though, as I know my story and how well I have raised my children alone. I am also aware of the amazing, well grounded adults and young children that single mothers have raised. Some of the most successful people in the world come from single parent homes, including President Obama. Keep hopeful for your child/children’s future, no matter how hard it gets.
You may wonder how I find the time to pursue my dreams. Well, all I can say is I make time. I keep mine and the children’s lives scheduled in a diary and make sure that our lives are super organised. It is easy to fall into the trap of making your whole life about them. If this is the case it will only lead to you being unmotivated and constantly tired. Try to include some you time in each day, whether to take a walk in the park, mediate or simply to relax in the bath. Find time for you.
If you have recently become a single mother the future may look bleak, but trust me when I say it will get easier. Find a routine that works for you and your family and stick to it.
My blog will give you an honest insight into single parenthood and hopefully inspire you in the process. I hope you enjoyed reading, and don’t forget to leave a comment, subscribe and share with others.
Written By Aysha Scott and edited by Badria Ahmed
Photo Credit: Raheem Lloyd – firstname.lastname@example.org